Back to Work

I went back to work today. It was good to leave the house and be up and about. Although everyone knew I'd been away for girl surgery. Even the building guard gestured to my stomach and asked how I was. I tried not to be too mortified.

One thing I've noticed is how quickly shame and embarrassment give way in this circumstance. I've had a doctor poke a joystick, condom and all up my vagina. I've had another stick two of her fingers in me while her male colleague looked on. And then the nurses in the hospital wanted to give me a shave before surgery, thank God I was spared that one since I had remembered to do it myself before going in.

As if that's not enough, everyone had a gander at the tumours while I was passed out, and nicely (not?) thought to take pictures for posterity. Then of course I go into the office today and one of the girls wanted to raise my top to have a look.

Boundaries people!!! Ever heard of that?

Oh well it's too late now. I think I lost my last vestiges of pride just about when they were sticking a pain suppository up my butt!
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Moving on....

So I'm gradually beginning to feel less like my life is falling apart. Maybe because my mind is in overdrive and I have so many things going on at the same time. But the upside of this is that I am now able to see that having fibroids isn't the end if the world. I'm still scared that I might lose my uterus, but I reallllllyyyyy pray it doesn't come to that.

After leaving evil doc the other day, I went to see another gyn for her opinion. First off she told me that considering the size, that thing had been there ages (probably longer than my pesky cysts that started this whole chain anyway) and I was not about to die, especially since I had no symptoms whatsoever. She also thought from looking at the scans, it was probably already degenerating. Pheww... that calmed me down a lot. Not that I thought I was going to drop dead from this, but evil doc made it out to be some grubby abdomen eating growth that would just keep expanding.

She recommends to another specialist (who as it turns out taught evil doc's senior partner....ha!!!) and although they all agree that surgery is inevitable, it's definitely not urgent. Funny thing is as soon as I heard that surgery was inevitable, I wanted the darn thing over with asap. I need to get it done early enough so I can heal well enough to travel to Auckland by January (which is another story for another time). 

So anyways, I've got it scheduled for 1000 hours Monday 22nd Oct (fancy speak for 10 am next Monday). I'm trying to keep a stiff upper lip about all this, cos big girls don't cry. Also because of what I read in a book last night that said something about the problem with letting yourself go and give in to despair is that it often becomes a habit. I'm an eternal optimist, but I do a good mope once I get started. Then I start to think about all who've done me wrong and the nasty things that have happened in my past..... so I don't even want to get started on that road.

It also helps a lot that I told my sister and we've been praying together about this everyday via bbm. Ever tried praying with someone via chat....again I digress..lol! Also, friends and colleagues here have been so helpful and when you are far from home and people that love you (or at least you hope they do, love you that is), it's a great relief just to have caring friends to share your way and make the burden lighter.

Need to get a move on now, have to go shopping for things I need to take into hospital with me. Check out my girlie spin on this, any opportunity to go shopping can't be that bad......